The many loves of adoption

My daughter came into my life two and a half years ago now. She was just 16 weeks old when I first got to hold her in my loving arms.

I will NEVER forget the day I got into my car after a long and quite difficult day at work. I had just left a meeting with my Principal and was feeling extremely frustrated at the things that were discussed.

I remember clearly leaving her office and walking down the school’s long corridor, and saying to myself – “Where is my baby & when is it coming? Get me out of here!”

I sat in my car and checked my phone before I went to drive off. There were seven missed calls from my husband and two from our Adoption agency.

In that instant I just knew we had been matched with our child!

Throughout the whole adoption process we had been told that when it happens – it will be fast. As much as you can prepare yourself for that moment, it is still such a shock when the time arrives. We had not allowed ourselves to buy anything for our child, as we had no idea what age or sex the baby would be.

Our gorgeous little daughter had been lovingly taken care of by the most beautiful seventy year old couple who had been fostering babies for over forty years. They had dedicated most of their lives to taking care of other people’s babies, and they had three adult children of their own.

To say they were two of the most adorable people I have ever met is truly an understatement.

Jean was as dry as a glass of chardonnay with the most wicked sense of humour, and Roy was just the warmest and gentlest soul of a man who had also been a Police Officer for all of his working life. They were salt of the earth, do anything for anyone type of people. They were still going strong at the ripe old age of seventy – very active in their community and friendship circle. Jean would be out walking my daughter in her pram every morning, as she went out and about. They took her to church every Sunday.

What made my daughter even more special to them was that she was the only non-drug dependant baby they had cared for in all that time. Our daughter was to be the very last baby loved by them, as they were retiring from fostering after we took our child to her forever home.

For both of these reasons she held a very special place in their hearts.

As a part of the transition process for our daughter adoption, we spent four whole days in their home with them. We spent time bonding with our child and hearing all about her routine, and sharing Jean and Roy’s stories about their life as foster carers for newborn babies.

Jean made us cups of tea and offered us shortbread, as we sat in awe and listened to how much the adoption process has changed over the last forty years. We laughed as they told us of all of the interesting couples they had encountered when they had come to meet their child for the first time.

Roy told us about how “The hospital used to call us up and say we’ve got another baby –do you know anyone who would want it?”

Jean spoke quietly as she told us about a couple who sadly had not bonded at all with their new baby. I cried as she told me that once “She had to make the very difficult decision to inform the Department of Human Services that she did not feel as though they would be suitable parents, and they left their home without a child”.

Naturally we were horrified at this, especially after the in depth 16 month application and approval process we had just been through with our adoption agency. The stories of adoptions from the past still make my heart ache with sadness, as we have now come such a long way in understanding how important the role of the birth family plays in the adopted child’s life.

Many people are shocked to learn that our daughter’s birth mother CHOSE us to be her parents. She has since told us of the agonising decision she had to make, when choosing the couple that she felt would be able to give her child the life that she could not. It was out of sheer love, that she chose a forever family for her daughter.

I spoke to Jean recently. She called me to say that she had received the photos of our daughter that I had sent her in the mail. I could hear in her voice how thrilled and delighted she was to hear about our forever family, and how our daughter had grown into a vivacious and confident little girl.

I can still hear Jean’s last words of advice to me as we hugged and cried, as we left their home on that freezing cold May morning.

“Don’t spoil her” she said “Only with love. Children can never have enough love”.

For more information about adoption in Australia visit www.adoptchange.com.au

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“Empowering families to create the perfect mix of chaos & love”

About the Author

Chrissie Davies

Chrissie Davies is an educator, author, speaker, child advocate, parent and founder of Chaos to Calm Consultancy. With more than twenty years of experience achieving positive, game-changing results for countless families under her belt she is a sought after presenter. Offering a fresh approach to understanding and raising children in a modern world, Chrissie is particularly passionate about creating happier and safer home and classroom environments.

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Chaos to Calm Consultancy would like to acknowledge the Wurundjeri and Boon Wurung people of the Kulin Nation.We acknowledge the elders past, present and emerging - particularly the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander parents who walked before us supporting and connecting their children to the earth, water and community. Always was. Always will be.

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